Computer Applications

Well, here I sit in my Computer Apps class. She is teaching a segment on blogs and everyone is making their own blogs. Welp lucky lucky mee, i already got one! haha.
Havent been on here sense that first late night spur of the moment when i made my blog.

Lots has happened sense then. Three weeks ago yesterday, i found out my parents are getting separated. That week was real tough and thankfully my sister was home on her spring break to help us out. The day I broke down was when I came home and most all of my moms stuff was packed into boxes. I couldnt imagine life without her. Then, a week after, the morning we were supposed to help move all my mom's stuff out of the house. My sister came into my room and i was still in bed and she told me she had to tell me something. She said she wasnt allowed to but i deserved to know. She said my mom had been having an affair for the past 5 months with some guy named David who she dated in high school and reconnected with over facebook. this makes me want to hate facebook with all of my heart. He came up here and visited twice, and she lied to us telling she was at work when really she was at his stupid hotel room.

I cannot believe it. my mom of all people. Who i looked up to more than anything in the world. Well We moved her into her appartment that day and still didnt know that i knew the real reason they were separating. her plan was never to tell me so that i would still love her just as much. Urgh. makes me sick. i did deserve to know. im thankful my sister told me.
That sunday, i went to her apartment and confronted her about it and told her that i knew. i said "mom my whole body is telling me to hate you right now and screaming at me to hate you, but God tells me to love you and He is bigger than this. " i made her show me the phone her "boyfriend" sent to her and tell me to my face whats happening. The thing I asked of her is to make the lies stop. but unfortunately they didnt.
Im trying so hard to give her a chance, but its hard when my dad has told me she told him her boyfriend is coming up to stay with her this week and when i ask her she tells me, multiple times, to my face, hes not coming. that is what breaks my heart. im the only one right now that even slightly stands up for her against my siblings. Theywill all be bashing her and i'll try to put in a good word for her.

The only thing im clinging onto right now is my faith in the Lord. I couldnt do it without him. I thank Him everyday for the friends He has placed in my life that are amazing listeners and encouragers in His word. It's really hard. I told my mom if her boyfriend ever stays an her appartment, i will NEVER visit her there or stay over night with her. hes flying here tonight and staying there my dad told me. It just shows me that she's not caring about her relationship with me right now. She's picking him over me. over my siblings. all of us.

Pray for me alot. Life is tough. It's hard to help my daddy through this. he's heartbroken. he kindof goes crazy sometimes and cleans the house alot or moves all the fruniture around. all i can do is pray for him, point him towards the Lord, and be his buddy. we've become best friends through this and hangout all the time. Praise God for that.
I just want my mommy back though. Who's gonna help me in the fall when im supposed to move to college? who will take care of me when my wisdom teeth are removed? who will help me pack for long trips or help me get ready for prom? Im so angry at her i cant really bare to have her help. but those are things reserved for a mom. I've been let down. Yesterday I watched a mother and her daughter in church and prayed for that mom holding her beautiful young daughter to Love that little girl more than anything. To love God always and in that, His love will flow onto that little girl and her son that was in the father's arms. That she will never let those kids down. I never knew a mom could treat her daughter and kids the way my mom did. it sucks.

My unimportant Wednesday

Well, This is my first blog post, hopefully it was successful. I've been wanting to make my blog for awhile, and all of a suddenly felt the dire need to work on it tonight (at 11 pm!) when i should be sleeping for school. GREAT one carlie.

I just wanted to make my blog so i have a place to ramble on about all the random unimportant details of my life that somedays i want to tell the world about. This way, people that care to hear about it or hear my (i think they're funny) funny stories, can follow me up on here! haha we will see how this works.


Interesting things that happened today:

• Had a debate in Civics about the US Patriot Act. Very interesting, i hadnt ever learned anything about it before this week. It was soo funny because people were getting SO heated and into it!! I tried hard not to laugh. I dont understand how people think torture is Okay! (but as our teacher said, it is their opinion and i will respect it)


• Lunch was interesting. it was supposed to be a weekly lunch date for my friend and i but like a zillion people invited themselves. it was stressful but atleast i got my cinnamon sugar bagel :)


• After School I got coffee with a friend of mine and caught up on our lives then worked on a project at another friends house (yuckyy school)


• BASKETBALL GAME! last game- playoffs. Theme = white out. i wore my white christmas tee. and shorts. (even in the cold) and my Michael Jordan Shoes! YES.


• i went to talk to my friend chloe (a few rows behind me) and saw 2 girls from my old school a lil behind her. stood by them and was talking, turned out the boy i stood beside was the kid i likee!! ahhh FATE hahaha. he gave me a big hug. it was a beautiful moment. AND he got my number AND texted me so i have his AND we made plans for next weekend!! YAY

well as nice as this is, i must go to bed. this actually is great though. i can go on and on and on about my life. like journaling but easier because its more edgy. thats my word of the week. edgy. oh besides vicarious. my friend (RACHEL! WOO) told me she lives vicariously through me. ever sense that, that word refuses to leave my head. thus making it my new favorite word!

GOD IS GOOD. This picture i took at the fair this year is evidence to me:) One of my favorite things and ways i see God is through the sky. It changes so much and has so many colors and forms! PTL praise the lord.

okay but seriously. bedtime for meeeeeeeeeeeee WOOOO. I am so excited about this blog. I can be however i want. Artsy, Random, Deep, Sad, CRAZY, etc. get pumped.